Increasing Retention: A Guide to Human-Centered Stay Conversations

As the seasons change and the end of the year looms, many of us take time to reflect and consider what we want to do in the next year. We humans are naturally curious, and our work preferences shift just like the seasons. Rather than fighting against our natural tendency towards curiosity and growth, as leaders we should embrace this trend as an opportunity for ourselves and our direct reports. 

One way to embrace and honor our desire for growth is to have what is referred to as “Stay Conversations.” These conversations between managers and direct reports can be embedded within the typical Performance Review cycle or during regular check-ins. And they don’t have to be incredibly complicated as long as they’re thoughtful and planned in advance. Below is our guide for human-centered Stay Conversations that will keep healthy dialogue open with your team. 

It’s also important to remember that an individual’s Type and working style may play into the flow of a Stay Conversation. A bigger picture thinker may more quickly be able to articulate what energizes and deflates them in their current work and welcome the opportunity to step away from the day to day of their role. While a ‘details person’ may resist pulling back from the minutia, especially if they’re feeling stressed or overwhelmed. Framing alongside use of the ‘human centered’ questions below can set the foundation for all folks to actively engage.

Stay Conversations are typically led by a manager with their direct report, and are truly meant to be conversational: 

• Before the Meeting - Prepare a brief agenda, find a private space to connect, and let the team member know specifically that you'll be talking about how best to retain them given their valuable performance. Hearing “Let’s talk” from your manager can be stressful, so a quick preview can help put them at ease. Bonus tip - If you can provide sample questions, this can ease some stress for your team members, especially those who are introverted. 

• During the Meeting - Ask questions and seek to understand what is most important to the team member. We all have different motivations, values, and goals, and they all may shift over time for each individual. 

• Ongoing, as a Manager - Show up for each of your team members with authenticity, humility, and curiosity. Let each team member know that you are successful if they are successful. Help them celebrate their successes and problem solve when challenges arise. 

Sample Stay Conversation Agenda (15 mins): 

Use the below sample agenda to plan for your meeting. Keep the tone conversational, and plan the questions that you most want to dig into with the team member. 

The more genuine these conversations are, the better they will go, especially as you continue the habit. This could be the difference between having a thoughtful, productive transition between staff members, or having to scramble to backfill a position and cover work while short-handed. Stay Conversations can also help you better tailor growth and development opportunities for the team members, leading to long-term satisfaction and productivity for both individuals and your team as a whole. 

At KJ Consulting Group, we engage frequently in team dynamics and culture strengthening. We’d love to work with you to make Stay Conversations and other healthy habits an easy piece of your leadership work - connect with us here!

Additional Resources: 

• Five Ways to Retain High-Performing Staff - The Management Center

• Four Ways to Mitigate Bias in Performance Evaluations  - The Management Center

• How to Use 'Stay Conversations' to Keep Employees Engaged - SHRM

Five Ways to Build Teacher Connections in Your School

A colleague recently shared this common experience from the beginning of her teaching career:

“When I first started teaching English at a public high school on the west side of Chicago, I had tons of resources at my disposal. There were the piles of grad school texts on my desk at home, the teaching portfolio I had diligently organized in advance of my interviews, and ideas from friends already teaching English. I was also clear on my job description - the curriculum I should pull from, what ELA standards applied to what quarter, and where to get a teacher’s edition of the textbook. I knew that lesson plans for the week ahead were due every Friday and would be reviewed by one of the assistant principals. And that the English department would be meeting every week on Thursdays during our common planning period.

“However, despite all of these teaching resources at my disposal, I felt very, very lonely on the job. At 24 years old, I could practically feel the naivety emanating from my first year teacher's skin; some days I felt more like a student than their teacher. As I watched more veteran teachers chat in the hallways or interact with students or head out of the parking lot five minutes after the dismissal bell, I decided that they all must be experts. They had an air of confidence about the work that I just didn’t feel in myself. But instead of walking up to any of them and asking to eat lunch together or talk about a challenging teaching scenario, I recoiled. For most of that first year I ate lunch at my desk, stayed in my room long after school ended and wallowed in figuring teaching life out alone. I couldn’t bring myself to spark the dialogue with the experts surrounding me, and they had no way to know that I needed them.”

Belonging is an innate human need. What this story and so many like it illustrate is that transitioning to any new job, especially one as demanding and consuming as teaching, can be made smoother by intentionally helping new teachers build connections. 

Below are five tips for school leaders that can help intentionally connect new teachers to others in the school community. Connection can be about work of course, but it doesn’t have to be. Creating space for all teachers to get to know someone beyond a hallway wave is a foundational step so that when a challenging situation arises, teachers are there to support one another. And, as the story above illustrates, it’s about building bridges so no one feels alone on their island.  

1. Create a lunch buddy schedule. This benefits new and old teachers alike by prompting them to step away from their desks. It’s simply an ask to eat in community once a week or once every other week on some sort of a rotating schedule. Authentic connection is often built at the table over food. Even if you only have 20 minutes to eat lunch like I did, it’s nice to pop into a lounge or classroom to talk to colleagues during quick breaks. 

2. Create a schedule for new teachers to observe strong teachers in the building. While this can require a bit of more logistical planning like sub coverage, it doesn’t have to be complex. Set up opportunities for teachers to see their peers in action and in doing so creating a common experience for them to discuss. Seeing a colleague using Total Physical Response techniques to engage a classroom of energetic teenagers immediately shifted my view of what to strive for as an educator and gave me immediate action steps to try in my own classroom. 

3. Build a quick check-in routine. The earlier we can celebrate teachers’ strengths and work to address challenges, the more comfortable we can all become with the idea of growth over time. We recommend school leaders do weekly or biweekly “pop ins” to all classrooms to see how things are going. The discussion afterwards can be brief and rooted in one or all of the following: 1. What were you trying to accomplish? 2. What went well? 3. What do you want to improve on? This practice gets teachers in the habit of self reflecting while also providing a place for their voices to be heard. 

4. Discuss working styles and communication preferences. Consider the team your new teacher will be working most closely with (co-teachers, mentors, department or grade level teams). Build in time to discuss working styles and communication preferences to improve communication and a sense of belonging, and to prepare folks to talk through conflicts when they arise. Be sure to provide a structure for the conversations including questions like: How do you prefer to communicate?  What motivates you as a teammate? What is your lesson planning style? When you feel stressed at work, what do you need most from those around you?

5. It’s never too late. If you’re a school leader reading this and wishing you had put something in place at the beginning of the school year to help build connections, it’s not too late! While the tips above may be different from how you’ve been operating, they can be implemented at any time. 

What’s most important is that we do not put the onus of “making connections” only on new teachers. They have more than enough on their plates to figure out. Creating space for one or two of the tips above can help ensure all teachers - including the brand new ones - feel part of the culture and ultimately invested in the school’s broader vision.

Reflect and Project Using the SWOT Tool

The KJCG team thrives on supporting organizations through individual and group reflection. One tool we love that drives current and future planning is the SWOT analysis process. This involves a group self-assessing their work’s strengths (S), weaknesses (W), opportunities (O), and threats (T), thus helping the team evaluate its overall progress towards a goal. It begins with an internal assessment of the group’s current reality, then uses that information to consider what could go well and what barriers might get in the way. 

Teams can SWOT a variety of things - from team culture to goal progress to collaboration to a strategy for upcoming work. Below are a few things that our team at KJCG has learned about making the SWOT process most impactful.

Why SWOT?

• The process taps into different working styles. It honors linear thinkers who can make quick lists of information, while also valuing input from bigger picture folks who lean into the abstract more easily. 

• During a SWOT analysis, there is no right thing to share. Some feedback may be quantitative (i.e. a benchmark met) while other feedback is more relational; some points may be concrete, referencing specific instances, while others are abstract, focused on a feeling. All input is valid!

What to SWOT?

• A SWOT can be paired with a larger strategic planning process, or can work on its own to assess a project or period of activity. This might look like a team of teachers seeking to increase student test scores, a nonprofit seeking to grow its impact in a community, or a school seeking to reduce behavior incidents. The topic should be broad enough that everyone in the room can actively participate in the SWOT.

When to SWOT?

• Keep in mind is that the SWOT should be done before key decisions are made by the group leader(s). When done proactively, the SWOT has real impact and can be an inclusive tool. Team members who contributed should be able to see components of their SWOT feedback live out in strategic plans after the fact. This builds a more solid vision for the future and a strong foundation of investment for that work. 

Where to SWOT?

• SWOTs can happen virtually or in person. However, we always recommend that a group creates a common visual artifact during the process. The group needs to see and hear each other’s contributions. Virtually this can happen on a program like Jamboard, Miro, or Padlet. In person, participants write their thoughts on post-its/ whiteboard/ chart paper, OR a recorder can take notes from the group discussion. 

How to SWOT?

• SWOT dialogue can stir up some emotions in folks, so consider how you can prepare your team to name a few areas where improvement is needed, while honoring self care and care for each other along the way. Don’t let folks dig into a blame game here. 

• A SWOT can be facilitated by a team lead, a project lead, or an external facilitator so the entire group can participate. A third party can potentially get deeper input from the team - information on weaknesses (W) and threats (T) that individuals might not be comfortable sharing in a larger group or in front of their bosses. 

The most important part of a SWOT is not that this specific tool is used. The key piece is honest reflection followed by a “what’s next?” conversation. Anyone can scribble some ideas on a piece of paper and conduct a quick assessment, but that won’t always lead to change. Meaningful, sustainable change comes from intentional questioning and decisions around how the information in the SWOT chart will be integrated into future activities. 

The KJCG team can help build investment in and hold folks accountable to the ever important: “what’s next now that I have this chart?” conversation. Not only are we prepared to run the exercise as part of a retreat or stepback so that every member of the team can participate, we are also ready to help facilitate conversation and be a thought-partner for the implementation planning that follows. Our team continues to use and recommend this process because it is simple, versatile and inclusive; we would love the opportunity to share it with yours.

Using Gallup Tools to Thoughtfully Onboard New Staff

We’ve spent time recently reflecting on the value of onboarding (check out our 10 Tips for Onboarding with Connection and Clarity). Because we know how critical the onboarding process is, and how materials must meet the unique needs of organizations and hiring managers, we want to share one of our favorite tools to use as a guide.

One research-based best practice that many workplaces use to better understand their team members' experiences is the Gallup Q12 Employee Engagement Survey. Gallup leverages 12 questions, each connected to a particular employee need, that are answered on 1-5 Likert scale. 

 While many teams collect and analyze Gallup data on an annual basis, the survey’s first few questions can also be used to cross check that an onboarding plan is truly meeting the needs of new hires from day one. 

Gallup Basic Needs Questions

The survey’s first two questions (in statement form) try to understand an employee’s Basic Needs at work:

1. I know what is expected of me at work.

2. I have the materials and equipment I need to do my work right.

Does the employee know what they need to do, and do they have the materials to do so? While some hiring managers may jump to “yes” and “of course” to both of these questions, most of the folks on our KJCG team can recall starting a job where they either (a) weren’t sure how to prioritize the various projects on their plates or (b) didn’t receive needed materials or equipment for a few days or longer. A successful, clear and connected first few days on the job can work wonders to ensure a new hire feels seen, welcome and supported long term.

Another way that our KJCG team coaches clients to create strong onboarding plans is by using the  Gallup Q12 statements as a guide. Taking time to ensure the first two Gallup questions can be answered affirmatively by your new team member is a strategic investment.

Clear Expectations Matter

Before your new hire’s first day, take a moment to return to the job description that was initially posted and engage in some strategic reflection. 

• Is this description accurate? 

• Are there any “unspoken” expectations that should be added? 

• Of the listed responsibilities, which are most important? Which are less so?  

Setting up these pieces before your team member comes on board, and checking on them throughout their first 90 days on staff, will help them contribute to the overall success of your team, and to ultimately better support your stakeholders. 

According to the Gallup website, “Employees who strongly agree that their job description aligns with the work they do are 2.5 times more likely than other employees to be engaged.”

To intentionally build clarity into an onboarding plan:  

• Schedule a 30-45 minute meeting to review the job description and help your new hire rank order their priorities.  

• Prompt your new hire to prepare questions about work expectations, then spend time debriefing together or with a team of their peers. 

• Add a monthly check-in where you circle BACK to the job description and help the new hire grow in responsibility as they learn more. 

Don’t Make Assumptions

We must steer clear of assuming that all new hires need the exact same materials and equipment to be successful in their roles. While budget constraints will likely prevent most hiring managers from giving unlimited purchasing power to a new hire for ‘materials and equipment,’ there is value in discussing their unique needs. 

To ensure your new hire has the right materials and equipment:  

• Add a monthly reminder for yourself to check-in about materials and equipment. Is there anything that would make their work more efficient and effective? 

• Provide a small ‘materials and equipment’ stipend to cover “office set-up” expenses. Value that some new hires may purchase a second monitor while others may purchase noise canceling headphones, and that’s okay. 

When crafting an onboarding plan that addresses basic employee needs, be careful not to assume that the simplicity of these two questions means they can be addressed and “checked off” in a single conversation. Strong hiring managers engage in continual discussion about expectations throughout the onboarding process and beyond, so that new hires understand how their work is continually connected to the success of others and to the broader vision of the organization.

At KJCG we know that hiring can often feel chaotic, so the more that can be clearly built into an onboarding plan, the more likely it is to be remembered. We believe wholeheartedly that we all need more clarity and connection at work, and being valued as a human on any team you are a part of is what matters the most. If you’d like to schedule time to talk more about how we can support the onboarding process, schedule time with us here.

Introverted Sensing (Si) Spotlight: Jung and MBTI® Series

We are posting a blog series to dig more into the Cognitive Functions as described by Carl Jung, and as interpreted in systems including the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator® (MBTI®). No matter what your level of experience is with the cognitive functions or MBTI®, you might recognize these descriptions in yourself or in those around you, in your professional or personal life. To learn more, keep reading below! If you want to get a foundational understanding of the MBTI® Types, check out our online course here. 

Who uses Introverted Sensing (Si) as their 1st or 2nd function?

In this post we're going to talk about the Si function, which is “Introverted Sensing.” Folks who have Si as their first (primary) function in their MBTI® function stack, are ISFJs and ISTJs, and folks who have this as their second (auxiliary) function are ESTJs and ESFJs. 

What does “Sensing” look like? 

Folks with a Sensing preference take in information in a chronological order, and they want to put that information back into the world in a chronological order. They prefer to operate in a step-by-step, one step at a time way. Additionally, folks with a Sensing preference are more comfortable with the past and present and what they can observe with their five senses, rather than the more ambiguous future. 

What does Introverted Sensing (Si) look like?

Introverted Sensing (Si) is about remembering. This looks like collecting detailed information about things and people. Folks with this preference pick up and internally store data from their environment. For ISFJs and ISTJs, this is their first function, so they prefer to start with details or the data. This sensory information about what is and what has been - the reality around them as collected by their five senses - may make a particular impression on Si users. 

Outside of work, this might look like having “highly curated preferences,” as one of my friends with an ISFJ profile says. Folks with an Si preference might love particular scents, foods, traditions, places, or ways of doing things. This strong impression that particular pieces of data or sensory information has on Si users might cause them to uphold certain traditions or ways of being, going to the same restaurant every Friday and ordering the same meal, or trusting particular bits of data that have stuck with them. They may try to use this sensory information to reinforce their feeling of security, or to re-create a particular positive experience. Depending on their function stack (other MBTI® “letters”), they might use that data to reinforce their decisions as they organize their world through a framework (ESTJ, ISTJ) or maintain harmony in their world (ISFJ, ESFJ). 

In the workplace or in sport, this might look like asking: 

• What did we do before?  What did other folks who succeeded do before? 

• What practical use does this have? 

• What are the deadlines? What are the boundaries, rules, processes? 

How can Si be used in a positive way, and what are some drawbacks?

No matter what Type someone has, we can all benefit from using Si in a positive way, as described above. This might look like remembering what we’ve done well in the past, to build on and try to repeat those successes, or to learn from what others have done well. This also might look like remembering and celebrating positive past experiences through memory, or focusing on gathering details that might help us in the future. 

On the flip side, the SJs are often called “Guardians,” as they use the data they have stored to support their decisions, and it may be difficult to convince them to consider other possibilities. It is important for SJs or anyone using Si to reflect and even ask for accountability partners to help check that you are not having too narrow of a focus, and not ignoring outside information or possibilities that might be beneficial. We should all ask: 

• What is beyond the data, or beyond the details? 

• What might happen?

• What am I not considering, and why? What are the dangers in not considering this information?

• What other perspectives do I need to bring in?  

How to support folks with an S preference:

• Provide specifics, be as detailed as we can

• Acknowledge that we might not all know all the information or details up front, and that is okay - it’s part of the process

• Recognize and celebrate their detailed perspective

• Be aware that they may ask more questions regarding details, data, and deadlines 

Thank you for reading, and we look forward to sharing more in future blogs and on Youtube. If you want to learn more, let’s find time to connect to talk about support in team or 1x1 sessions, or learn more at your own pace through our online course. 

Regulate | Relate | Reason Series: Regulation Self-Check & Strategies

Stress hits us all a little differently, but not one of us is immune to it. Our team at KJ Consulting talks about stress a lot in order to normalize its existence and focus on ways to calm it versus ways to avoid it outright. Stress is the body’s way of letting you know some form of danger is approaching. And while said danger COULD be physical, more often than not it is an internal trigger that, when not addressed, can quickly become consuming. 

For me, I often feel the effects of stress before I can process the cause. It’s a little ache that starts at the between my shoulder blades. Not debilitating - I may pause to tilt my head back and forth in an effort to erase it, shrug my shoulders up and down. But because I have been conditioned to persevere rather than linger in discomfort, I often push through. And when I do, the stress my body was warning me about with a little signal can sometimes grow to consume my entire body. If I ignore it and let it build up, this stress can grow to fuel feelings of self-doubt, make me feel alone, and convince me that I am not capable of doing whatever task may be in front of me.

But the reality is that it’s not so much AVOIDING this consuming stress that helps, but having the tools to quiet it when it does arrive - to shrink it before it has the chance to grow. We’ve found with our own team and with the teams we support through KJ Consulting, that:

(1) reminding folks that stress is normal is KEY and

(2) a simple mantra - regulate, relate, reason - can have incredible calming power when we notice those warning signals of stress.

Regulate | Relate | Reason

The “regulate, relate, reason” framework comes from Dr. Bruce Perry, a renowned trauma psychologist. We’ve blogged about it previously, and that’s partly because our team talks about it constantly. Whether we’re working with clients or self-evaluating, it’s a reminder that when stress surfaces, we must first ensure our physical safety needs are met, to calm our minds before we can rationally interact with others and/or problem solve. After the body is regulated, we can contemplate addressing relational needs and then engage in more complex thought or reasoning.

Regulation Self-Check

When you notice stress starting to creep into your body, go back to the basics. Physical safety involves more than your physical location, although that may be part of it. It also involves addressing your basic needs. Are you in need of a healthy meal? A large glass of water to hydrate? A walk around the block or house for some extra movement? Is the light in your space too bright? Might some calming music relax the feel of the space around you? If the answer to any of these questions is YES or even PROBABLY, listen to your body and give it what it needs. 

Regulation Strategy 1: Vagus Nerve Neck Mobility
One quick regulating exercise that our team loves is the Vagus Nerve neck mobility exercise. This activity is good to break patterns of tension and shift out of an activated state of mind - to be a little more calm and present. Try it out: 

1. Get seated in a comfortable position. Gently tilt your head to the left side- left ear towards left shoulder. If comfortable, push a bit with your left hand. You’re looking to feel some stretch but not pain. If this is uncomfortable to you, make the movement smaller.

2. Move your eyes only, look up and to the right. Hold this position and breathe normally for about 30 seconds. It’s normal to swallow, sigh/ yawn, or take a deeper breath.

3. Repeat on the right side. 

Regulation Strategy 2: Box Breathing

Another quick regulating method that our team uses often during training events is the box breathing exercise. The purpose of this quick activity is to become more aware of our own breathing by taking deep, full breaths in and out through the chest and belly. Try it out: 

1. Lay on your belly, so that you can feel where the breath is in your body. Lay flat and use your hands as a pillow.

2. If comfortable, close your eyes. 

3. Inhale through your nose in two parts. The first part of your inhale is into your belly. You will feel your belly press into the ground.

4. The second part of your inhale is into your chest. You will feel your chest press into the ground.

5. Then, exhale through your nose in two parts. First, exhale from your chest, feeling their chest rise away from the earth. Then, the second part of their exhale is from your belly, away from the earth.

6. Repeat 5-6 times.

Physical Safety First

We always remind our clients that only after we feel physically safe (“regulated”) are we able to form strong connections to others and engage in more complex thinking. So when I share above that when I ignore my stress signals and don’t pause to consciously regulate myself, it’s no wonder that I feel incapable and unsure of how to proceed through work that I can normally do. 

For more stress-reducing tips and ways to regulate/ relate/ reason when stress creeps into your life (because it will no matter how much you avoid it), sign up for our quarterly newsletter! We welcome you into our community as we navigate this world together.

Brené Brown Live! + The 2 Word Check-in

If you know me (and even if you don’t know me very well), there’s a good chance you know how I feel about Dr. Brené Brown. She is 100 percent my role model, my hero, a celebrity I would most like to have dinner with- you name it.  I love how Brené speaks (relatable, authentic), I love what she speaks on (empathy building, compassion, human-centeredness), and I LOVE that I had the opportunity to hear her speak in person last week at the Texas Conference for Women. 

O.M.G. I don’t even want to hide my fangirl-ness. Listening to Brené speak on a podcast is one thing. But hearing her in person and feeling her live energy? I was awed at how relatable and brilliant she is - not an easy combination. I left the Conference feeling grateful, energized, and emboldened to continue pursuing human-centered work at KJ Consulting Group. 

Specifically, I loved hearing Brené talk about the so-called Great Resignation. Employee retention is a struggle for so many organizations and schools right now. And Brené referenced data from MIT that found the number one reason that folks are leaving their workplaces is NOT connected to salary but rather toxic culture. This study found that, “The leading elements contributing to toxic cultures include failure to promote diversity, equity, and inclusion; workers feeling disrespected; and unethical behavior.” I’m not necessarily surprised, but it’s always nice to see your intuitions backed up with scientific research.  

According to Brené, one antidote to toxic culture is fostering a sense of belonging, work spaces where employees feel seen and connected. Brené shared a strategy that I can’t stop thinking about because it’s so simple - what she has coined the “two word check-in.” I’ve listened to her talk about this on her podcast, but again, to hear her talk through it live and answer audience questions about it? <Insert chef’s kiss here.> 

The two-word check-in goes something like this:

1. Framing: At least once a week during a team meeting, the manager asks the team to do a quick whip around and share how they are doing, in two words. 

2. Whip Around: Each team member takes a turn replying with two words or short phrases. 

• This boundary is important, so that all team members get a chance to share how they are doing, and so no one voice dominates.

• Someone may say, “Anxious and hopeful.” Someone else may say, “Tired and annoyed” and another, “Excited and optimistic.” It’s an invitation for a quick response from everyone present.

• As each team member gives their two words, the manager thanks each person for sharing and notes who they want to follow up with.

  3. Follow Up: Later that day - over Slack, or text, or whatever communication channel the team may use - the manager follows up with folks as needed. 

• They may reach out to folks whose response they want to hear more about (e.g., if they are worried about someone) and say something like, “Hey, I want to follow up after our meeting. You said you were “tired and annoyed. Can you tell me more?” It’s an invitation to respond but not a requirement. 

  4. Support: If the team member responds, the manager then asks another key question from Brené and her team, “What does support from me look like?”

I’m latching onto two things about this simple but meaningful practice. First, the importance of checking in on how your team is doing consistently - at least every week. Strong culture is built over time, and it doesn’t happen magically after a team is asked how they feel once. The second is Brené’s explanation of why this practice can feel so hard - because when I think about it, it seems easy enough. And yet alongside that, I feel a little nervous to actually implement it. Brené obviously knows this and she asked the room, “Why don’t we do this more often?” The answer: fear. Brené acknowledged that it is scary to ask a question when we may not know how to answer or how to support folks after they respond. What if the person shares something I don’t want to know? What if the person shares something I can’t help them with, like supporting a sick family member? 

However, because Brené is Brené, she went on. Daring leaders are able to push past this fear and “excavate the unsaid.” Brave leaders are really good at asking questions that both model and invite vulnerability and connection. Their individual follow-up after the two-word group check-in may include a qualifier like, “Hey. I don’t have all the answers, but I want to know more.” Brave leaders realize that it’s about asking great questions, more so than having the right answer every time. This creates opportunities for authentic dialogue that over time builds stronger teams and works against the “toxic culture” that prevents employee retention.  Asking the question increases a sense of belonging; it says,  “I see you as a full human being, beyond your ability to complete your work.”

After reflecting on Brené’s keynote, my two word check-in is: I’m Motivated // Hopeful. I’m motivated to put her advice into action as I support my own staff and clients. I’m hopeful that there is a community of incredible, brave leaders like Brené who are inviting more honest conversations and not operating from a place of fear. When we think about employee retention in the broader landscape, a caring community at work is what the data shows is more likely than money to encourage folks to stick around. To know how your people are doing and how to support them, even when it’s messy and difficult, is what matters most. 

Power in the Pause: The Ladder of Inference Tool

"When we feel safe in the presence of another, our breath comes easily, our heartbeat is regulated, we don’t sweat nervously, our thinking is clear, and we feel open, expansive, and in sync." 

- Zaretta Hammond, Culturally Responsive Teaching and the Brain 

Our KJCG team loves supporting leaders at all levels - with or without an official “leadership” title. We love coaching brand new teams, teams that have worked together for a while, and teams that are experiencing transition. No matter what type of team we are supporting, we often step back for all participants to ground in our common humanity. We reflect on big picture concepts like: how our brains and bodies are connected, what are some needs that we all have, and how we might react to stress when we feel those needs are in jeopardy. 

For instance, we know that we all need to feel physically and relationally safe to function at our best. When we feel one of those needs is threatened, we go into fight, flight, or freeze mode, our stress response signal is activated in our bodies, and we have a difficult time thinking straight until we process this stress or feel safe from the threat. We’ve done a lot of reading and research on this; thanks to Dr. Bruce Perry, Zaretta Hammond, and others for great insights here! 

Since we all have this deep need for relational safety - in other words, for connection - at KJCG we help support leaders and teams with their team chemistry, connection, and navigating conflict. One tool that we love to use is the Ladder of Inference. The Ladder of Inference provides a frame for understanding how we process events, and it can often help us step back and recognize why something at work ignited our stress response system. Without taking time to pause and examine what's happening, our stress response can cause us to jump to unfounded conclusions, often compounding stressors and damaging our work relationships.

Let’s look at the ladder. On the first rung are Reality and Facts, followed by Selected Reality. It’s not possible for us to process all of the sensory information around us at once, so we select what to pay attention to, based on the limitations of our senses and the unique perspective of our own lived experience. Our perspective also causes us to Interpret that reality in a certain way. Next, we make Assumptions, draw Conclusions, and create or adjust our Beliefs based on our Selected and Interpreted Reality. We then Act on those beliefs, conclusions, assumptions, and so on. This is a natural process that all humans go through to protect ourselves and survive. But it’s a process we want to be aware of to better understand how we and others react to events based on incorrect assumptions, and what we can do about it.

The Ladder of Inference - adapted from Argyris, C., 'Overcoming Organizational Defenses: Facilitating Organizational Learning,' 1st Edition, © 1990.

We would all be better served by becoming more aware of when we “jump up the Ladder of Inference.” We get into trouble when we act on our assumptions without pausing to reflect on how we are jumping to conclusions. When we act too quickly based on our Selected Reality and Assumptions, we cause ourselves additional stress, can add stress to our teammates’ lives, and can make a tense situation even worse.  Thus, there is power in the pause. When we pause and take time to reflect, we can avoid some stress on ourselves and teammates. 

Let’s think through an example. During the height of the pandemic I adopted a pupper. As a cattle dog, her natural instinct is to herd and to protect me, and she is not used to people coming into the house often. One day a man pulled up to the driveway in a brown box truck, wearing a brown hat with a matching brown short-sleeved collared shirt and shorts. He grabbed a box out of the back of the truck and walked down the driveway towards the door. I became excited, while my dog activated her protector mode and ran towards the door barking. 

Why did we react to this situation differently? Let’s consult the ladder of inference. We observed the same Reality and Facts, but our Interpreted Reality was dramatically different, and based on our interpretations, we made different Assumptions, Conclusions, had different Beliefs about what was going on, and as a result - Acted differently. I assumed that the UPS driver was delivering a package that I ordered, while my dog assumed she needed to protect me from a potential threat. Of course my dog is not a human, but this example is a fun way to think about how to use the ladder of inference as a reflection tool. 

To use a work example, let’s say my boss emails me and just says, “Meet me at 4:00 in my office.” Depending on my previous work experience with this boss and other managers, I might get super worried. My Interpreted Reality might cause me to assume that I’m “in trouble” for something I did, and I need to prepare a response so I’m not caught off guard in the meeting. This might take up a ton of mental energy, take my focus away from current priorities, and cause me a lot of stress as I try to figure out what I did wrong and what to do about it. If I jump to the conclusion that my boss wants to reprimand me for not finishing a project yet (though it is due in 2 weeks), I might start out the meeting by saying, “I know why you called me in here. I’m going to drop everything and work after hours until the project is done.” Instead, my manager might say, “Hey, no worries, that’s not why I asked you to meet me. We know you did a great job on your last project. There’s an opportunity for you to present your work at a conference next month, and I wanted to give you a heads up so you can start prepping.” 

Though of course it’s natural and a survival instinct for us to interpret reality and try to guess what might be going on, we are better served when we become aware of these tendencies. The Ladder of Inference gives us a way to interrupt less helpful behaviors when we feel ourselves getting stressed out over assumptions, by taking time to reflect, and address what might be at the root of an issue. It takes practice, but there are plenty of opportunities to do that. Have you used the Ladder of Inference before, or need a coach to get started? Reach out to let us know!