KJCG note: Thanks to our awesome ISTJ teammate (in Myers-Briggs Type Indicator® / MBTI® language) for this beautiful post about what it’s like to be details-driven, when working with more big picture, visionary folks!
I’m designing a self care retreat right now with an amazing woman who describes herself as a “visionary.” Ten years ago that label alone would have sent me running in the OPPOSITE direction of a shared project. My younger self would have been unable to contemplate an assignment with a partner who did not think like me - who was not a perfectionist, who did not make a daily task list, who did not cross check their work with the assignment directions 100 extra times.
What I did not realize in my younger working years, however, was just how much I was limiting myself. My inability to see others’ working styles as anything but “right” (a.k.a. like mine) or “wrong” (a.k.a. not like mine) was my modus operandi. My very J, very perfectionist way of operating had always brought with it success, and so I could only see the potential risk in working outside of my comfort zone.
Thankfully change came as I exposed myself to new jobs. I moved from working in a high school to working for a nonprofit organization- and that came with a more intentional interrogation of white dominant behaviors and mindsets that were an initial wake up call. But knowing information and using said information to adjust behaviors does not always happen in sync. It took a teammate calling me out to spark change. This person shared specifically that my way of project planning was not only unlike hers, but the expectations I was placing on her were actually causing harm.
At the moment, it was tough to hear. I hadn’t stepped back to consider the impact of my behaviors. In retrospect, what would have helped so much was if the two of us had taken time to identify our preferences and working styles from the very beginning - before an actual project was on the line. If I had trusted myself enough to say, “Big ideas feel too dreamy to me.” And her to say, “Hey. Excel sheets freak me out,” how much easier might our work together have been? How much less internal conflict and harm might I have caused her to experience?
As I’ve aged in the workforce, I have also been given language to talk about my working preferences. In the absence of such for years, my single story became the easy default - the one way. I’ve learned over time to talk to myself about how others may be approaching work - literally voicing over possible perspectives reminds me that there is more than one right way to “do work.” And the more I do this, the less judgy I feel about styles different from my own.
So to come back to the self-care retreat that I’m working on and my visionary co-planner. When I signed onto this project, the two of us talked right away about our working styles. She noticed my attention to detail and my list-making orientation, and instead of calling me out, she invited me in. Saying something like, “I could use someone like you.” And what a difference that perspective shift has made. I can listen to her vision, her ideas, her passion when she talks about self care work - and I start thinking about the steps to reach that vision. My co-planner sends me text messages and emails full of half baked ideas of where she wants things to move. She sends me calendars mixed in with budget items mixed in with program content. I read it all, and THEN I get to tap into MY strengths. I get to pull the actions out of the ideas and structure a plan that others can follow.
But you see, my brain wouldn’t have started big like this. And I would have missed the amazing ensemble of folks my partner has brought together for our event if I had gone at it alone. I would have missed the energy my partner has kept so carefully attuned to. Each of us can still work in the ways we feel most comfortable AND see that there are other equally “good” ways to approach the project. With open, clear communication we have been able to get work done more efficiently and effectively than either of us would have alone.
In closing, think about a team you’re currently on - and I mean team in the biggest sense of the word: a team at work, a team at home, a sports team. How open are you being about your ‘style’ in that space? What’s holding you back or allowing you to open up? Trust increases as people are given the opportunities to share transparently and authentically. A neutral party can also help introduce a common language - like MBTI or DISC - and be present to help navigate through moments of tension that may arise. Our team at KJCG is ready to help you do just that! We love working with teams and leaders to learn more about each person’s energizers, stressors, and communication styles, and to use that knowledge to create more psychologically safe spaces that value and support each other’s differences. It’s never a perfect journey, but that’s the beauty in our imperfect human experience.