If you know me (and even if you don’t know me very well), there’s a good chance you know how I feel about Dr. Brené Brown. She is 100 percent my role model, my hero, a celebrity I would most like to have dinner with- you name it. I love how Brené speaks (relatable, authentic), I love what she speaks on (empathy building, compassion, human-centeredness), and I LOVE that I had the opportunity to hear her speak in person last week at the Texas Conference for Women.
O.M.G. I don’t even want to hide my fangirl-ness. Listening to Brené speak on a podcast is one thing. But hearing her in person and feeling her live energy? I was awed at how relatable and brilliant she is - not an easy combination. I left the Conference feeling grateful, energized, and emboldened to continue pursuing human-centered work at KJ Consulting Group.
Specifically, I loved hearing Brené talk about the so-called Great Resignation. Employee retention is a struggle for so many organizations and schools right now. And Brené referenced data from MIT that found the number one reason that folks are leaving their workplaces is NOT connected to salary but rather toxic culture. This study found that, “The leading elements contributing to toxic cultures include failure to promote diversity, equity, and inclusion; workers feeling disrespected; and unethical behavior.” I’m not necessarily surprised, but it’s always nice to see your intuitions backed up with scientific research.
According to Brené, one antidote to toxic culture is fostering a sense of belonging, work spaces where employees feel seen and connected. Brené shared a strategy that I can’t stop thinking about because it’s so simple - what she has coined the “two word check-in.” I’ve listened to her talk about this on her podcast, but again, to hear her talk through it live and answer audience questions about it? <Insert chef’s kiss here.>
The two-word check-in goes something like this:
Framing: At least once a week during a team meeting, the manager asks the team to do a quick whip around and share how they are doing, in two words.
2. Whip Around: Each team member takes a turn replying with two words or short phrases.
This boundary is important, so that all team members get a chance to share how they are doing, and so no one voice dominates.
Someone may say, “Anxious and hopeful.” Someone else may say, “Tired and annoyed” and another, “Excited and optimistic.” It’s an invitation for a quick response from everyone present.
As each team member gives their two words, the manager thanks each person for sharing and notes who they want to follow up with.
3. Follow Up: Later that day - over Slack, or text, or whatever communication channel the team may use - the manager follows up with folks as needed.
They may reach out to folks whose response they want to hear more about (e.g., if they are worried about someone) and say something like, “Hey, I want to follow up after our meeting. You said you were “tired and annoyed. Can you tell me more?” It’s an invitation to respond but not a requirement.
4. Support: If the team member responds, the manager then asks another key question from Brené and her team, “What does support from me look like?”
I’m latching onto two things about this simple but meaningful practice. First, the importance of checking in on how your team is doing consistently - at least every week. Strong culture is built over time, and it doesn’t happen magically after a team is asked how they feel once. The second is Brené’s explanation of why this practice can feel so hard - because when I think about it, it seems easy enough. And yet alongside that, I feel a little nervous to actually implement it. Brené obviously knows this and she asked the room, “Why don’t we do this more often?” The answer: fear. Brené acknowledged that it is scary to ask a question when we may not know how to answer or how to support folks after they respond. What if the person shares something I don’t want to know? What if the person shares something I can’t help them with, like supporting a sick family member?
However, because Brené is Brené, she went on. Daring leaders are able to push past this fear and “excavate the unsaid.” Brave leaders are really good at asking questions that both model and invite vulnerability and connection. Their individual follow-up after the two-word group check-in may include a qualifier like, “Hey. I don’t have all the answers, but I want to know more.” Brave leaders realize that it’s about asking great questions, more so than having the right answer every time. This creates opportunities for authentic dialogue that over time builds stronger teams and works against the “toxic culture” that prevents employee retention. Asking the question increases a sense of belonging; it says, “I see you as a full human being, beyond your ability to complete your work.”
After reflecting on Brené’s keynote, my two word check-in is: I’m Motivated // Hopeful. I’m motivated to put her advice into action as I support my own staff and clients. I’m hopeful that there is a community of incredible, brave leaders like Brené who are inviting more honest conversations and not operating from a place of fear. When we think about employee retention in the broader landscape, a caring community at work is what the data shows is more likely than money to encourage folks to stick around. To know how your people are doing and how to support them, even when it’s messy and difficult, is what matters most.